Last week, we covered what separates the deals that open up from the ones that don't. Things like relevant questions, silence, following the thread instead of the script. 

But knowing that and actually doing it in the moment are two different things.

Today, we're getting into why the gap exists and what's really going on when a conversation stays at the surface.

Most buyers don't open up right away.

And that's not their problem, that's yours to solve.

Here's what's actually happening in those early conversations. The buyer walks in with their guard up. Not because they're difficult or don't want to buy, but because they've been burned before. They sat across from a rep who nodded along, said "totally" fourteen times, and then pitched them something completely wrong for their situation.

 So now they test the water first.

A sales manager told me once:

"I used to think I was a great listener. Then I realized I was only hearing what people were willing to say, not what they actually meant."

Most reps think they're getting the full picture. They're not. They're getting the version the buyer is comfortable sharing so far.

The real conversation, the one with the actual pain point, the office politics, the deadline pressure, that one only unlocks when the buyer decides you're worth talking to. 

When someone is deciding whether to open up, they're not thinking about your product.

They're paying attention to you.

And they're picking up on everything. 

The way you respond when they give a short answer. (Do you sit with it, or do you immediately move to the next question?)

The way you handle a pause. (Do you let it breathe, or do you rush to fill it?) 

The way you react when they say something unexpected. (Are you actually curious, or are you just waiting to get back on track?) 

I sat in on a sales call where the rep was three questions deep into a discovery call when the buyer casually mentioned their last vendor had let them down badly. The rep said, "Got it," and moved straight to the next question on their list.

That was the moment the buyer checked out, because, without even realizing it, the rep had signaled they weren't really listening.

Buyers notice. Maybe not consciously, but to them, it just starts to feel like a real conversation, or it doesn't. It starts to feel safe to say the real thing, or it doesn't.

It usually comes down to this: They're not fully in the conversation.

They're thinking ahead. What to ask next, and how to steer this toward a next step. While they're doing all of that, the actual conversation is happening without them.

What happens now?

The reps who consistently get more out of their conversations aren't doing anything wildly different. They're just more present. They hear what's actually being said, not just what fits neatly into their process.

I had a call recently that's a good example of this.

I followed up with a prospect who told me they'd decided to go with someone else. Most reps say "no problem, best of luck" and hang up. Conversation over. 

I stayed curious.

I asked who they went with. What had been suggested. How they were feeling about the decision. Just because I genuinely wanted to understand. I offered some thoughts, with no pressure and no agenda.

Sometimes that's all it takes. The buyer starts talking, really talking, and halfway through, they realize they're not as certain as they thought. A few of those conversations have turned right back around.

But that's almost beside the point. The real thing I was doing wasn't a closing technique. I wasn't talking to sell. I was talking to help. No expectation of anything in return. 

That's what presence actually looks like in practice, and what allows the other person to open up.

If your conversations feel like work. If you're constantly trying to keep things moving, or deals stall without a clear reason, and you can't quite put your finger on why, this is usually where it's happening. 

The good news, though: Presence isn't a personality trait. It's a practice. And it starts the moment you stop managing the conversation and actually join it.

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